It is another night of my army life here in Daegu...
Today is the day that makes me dip into some thoughts.
Well, it is mostly self reflection kind, in regards to my current status and several other things.
Today as I was at the bunk, I heard from Seunghoon that corporal Kwangho was fired from his office and have been shifted to military canteen worker. It was due to him skipping office during the night/day shift period. I writing this is not to point his fault but trying to understand in point of him.
I felt down when I had relationship failure or maybe I can try to call it hmm sort of bad days. When I get bad days, I feel down. When I feel down, I don't feel passionate. All the passions I had as a private who just got his vocation as English Translator just melts down. It was when I had bad days with my office senior Oh and Yoon, it was when I heard that word with hatred from fcl Yoon, when I was scolded for not playing football well from fcl Oh, from Kim Jin Gak for asking questions and etc. It was those moments that made me down. All these summed up to make the impassionate me.
Maybe, it would have been the case for Kwangho too...
Maybe him as a private would have been different too. It could be those irresponsible comments and ignorance that made who he stands as now.
Seeing all these firing issues there is no guarantee that I have a safe spot at my office either.
I do miss those days where there were bunk no.7. Although i was scolded for watching TV and all, but I felt loved. There were Sergeants who would treat with love. I miss those times where I was a private and could just rely on. Not relying on myself independently. We all grow with respect to our status and time. It is correct that I behave like my status, FCL.
Not so senior but not a private after all. First Class Private. Had enough time knowing about the rules and whatabouts and whereabouts. Knows how to deal with the issues on his own. That is first class private.
Just seeing how sophisticated things are these days for me, I reckon myself... And even envying him too. Which is really unnecessary after all.
What I just know is that I've got to have stronger mentality that I wouldn't be bothered. After all, those people who gave comments do not remember or care. Get a stronger mentality to forget about their sins. God will handle that.
And just like how I am doing these days, I behave more upright with less shortcomings. Well hmm... I don't know... like I said, it was fun when I was a private getting the love of the seniors.
But at the same time I do not want to get hurt again. It was the same issue when I was outside too.
But just remember, acting like a grown man or behaving like my own status is not about how much I veil my shortcomings but it is about being able to embrace more people after all. Learning to embrace more people that I would see. Be it my mates, seniors or juniors. That is about growing up I guess.
Hope I learn again today.
Thanks for such a beautiful diary with great reflections.
Thanks for being here my diary. I hope myself in years time reading this note would smile having been a grown man with stronger mentality.
Love yourself and the others.
Amen.
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