It's been some time since I last wrote in this diary.
Yes, things have changed a lot.
I mean well the time I guess surely changed.
The last time when I was jotting down in here it was D-378 and now 24 days have passed, almost a month and during this time, I broke that D-365, the one year wall.
Well, I was counting for that very 15th of May this year, as this would mark my D-1year anniversary. Things will be much different in Next year's 15th May when it marks the end of my service.
Past few days back in camp, things had been a little confusing for me. Like you know, I sit down in my bunk, it's not like I get left out or feel bad in camp but it was about all the questions that brother Sandeul would throw, tantrums Dae eun will throw at times and you know me hating Jaemin sometimes for his weird behaviors. Surprisingly, I had no troubles with Kwanghyun. I mean, its really God's blessings that he allowed me to love him again. I hope that this love will be a dove to start loving all creatures.
So I needed a break. Realizing myself acting weird or somewhat arrogant made me realize I needed to reflect myself and look through again. It's like there is this vacuum state of being in me. This comes when I maybe have no true loyalty. I am not loyal to my mom I guess. After that very incident on my last holiday, I just don't feel perfectly comfortable or love her as much.
Well, I do know there is a key in forgiving but I am grown up and it is no longer her duty to make me better or console me.
After my first leave(out of the big 4 U-20 vacations) to Jeonju, as I returned back there was this feeling that why do I have to stay here when I am leaving so soon and for so long. It does make people not loyal to what I was up to and a little senseless.
So this break was quite I can say needed. I needed some fresh air, loneliness and some good time of football which I would always love to be related.
However, this holiday may seem like it's going a little off. The main purpose of this holiday was to get some fresh air watch football and relieve myself but you see, downloading tinder to get girls to chat with and walking around seeing girls and hoping to get hooked and etc. those are not very desirable. You see, we've been through this moments back in Singapore where all I would do is to tinder and play FIFA at home. Those were a little off. What if I could have done something more meaningful back then. What if I look back myself 10 years down the road and see and feel that what if I could have done this during the U-20 worldcup period in Korea where it only happens once in lifetime.
Well so here is my point in here. I hope I do make full use of this holiday. Get great enjoyment and be relieved too. I think is pretty normal that I want to find girls but hope it just doesn't affect the other things that I want to do and will regret not doing.
Thanks for living up this wonderful day
Enjoy and have an awesome day today!
Thank God.
Amen.
Friday, May 26, 2017
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
Dawns in Daegu - D-378
So here is another spot that I find is the most comfortable place ever in my Korean house. I am now down to like two hours before my train to E. Daegu and I am summing up this 4 days holiday I was given.
Yeah, this clearly was an unexpected holiday. I mean, I knew I would be able to spend a day at home for a 2days 1night thing but didn't know my father would go out and dance with my platoon leader to help me get a 4days and 3night holidays. I was so lucky to get this reward. I mean, although I didn't know what to do or could have felt that this 4days could be a waste since it would be included in the 18 days of rewarding holidays given, it was indeed somewhat worthy.
Other than anything, it was the time that made me feel the value of family. Seeing dad and mom smile and seeing them having been improved so much in their relationship do make me feel warm too. They've become so much closer than any other time. Dad going in front to do it for me and etc. and me preparing for my parents a song by Kim Gunmo since mom loves that song, although i didn't get to present up front, it was clearly a great experience trying to do something for mom and dad. I mean, I have no fear. I do what I do so I wouldn't regret. I tried it so I am going to do what I could do in this limited time of my and my parents' lives.
As we got home, we went to this Dak Galbi house as dad loved it and had a meal and dad and mom seemed so happy. Got home using my laptop and tried to find out what I would do the next 3 days. I tried to watch a lot of movies and spend time with family and Jun too.
Although, I felt that the only time I could possibly spend time with family was weekends, so I cancelled appointments with Jun, it was worth while. We went out to the temple to pray and saw our new house. It was never a waste of time. Going to temple during my leave is so worthy now. I got to learn those traditions regardless of my own religion to respect my parents' religion.
After game, we got to E-mart that my family used to visit when we were all still in Korea. It was memories indeed. We looked around checking out and seeing the strcuture of the building, I mean yes it was so much different yet I could see some of the places that had the little me in there.
Dad and I rushed to the Suwon Sports Complex to watch the K-league challenge match against Daejeon. It was another blessing for me to be able to catch this game as I couldn't have watched this game if I didn't get my holidays. It was my first time watching a K-league challenge and Suwon FC's match. Suwon FC used to attract me since long ago for they were doing well in the national league and they succeeded in the Challenge and Classic with their successful manager Cho Duk Je.
Waiting outside the stadium, there was a kick ball and getting the entrance tickets to the U-20 world cup and I took it for my parents to watch.
Then, I went in to the stadium. It was beautiful. The goal net was in Suwon FC's traditional color blue and red. And the supporters had their own seatings on the track as the supporters seat was pretty far away.
What made me love this team was that the atmosphere was like family. No vulgar or no fightings in here but very peaceful. There were disabled kids in front me and dad and they were screaming for Suwon FC. Also, at the entrance, the person checking the ticket and giving out the flyers seemed like mom and her son. The whole team was like ran by family. It made me feel like a family team.
The game was wonderful, we won 3-1 and all goals were fantastic.
I got to watch my favorable player Baik Sung Dong's play too.
On a third day, I spent my time at home enjoying and had a walk to Sunkyung Library that had the most of my memories in Korea. Walking and seeing the scenery and sitting down at the bench in the library, it was so beautiful. It was such a beauty. Seeing the flowers in green and red and resting myself and remembering all those moments that had gone through me during those hard times. It was wonderful. I realized, my memories in Korea is this place.
Getting in to the libray, I checked out some of the places and left to eat at my favourite bunsik place called Elephant bunsik but only to realize that it was gone. It wasn' there anymore. It was pretty sad but i just decided to have my meal right beside and walked to get a cab to E. Suwon CGV. I watched two movies Founder and Dancer. Dancer was super boring as it was a documentary movie. I wondered why there were so many people watching this movie.
Then, I rode on my dad's car to the restaurant to meet my uncles and auntie. It was a special meeting. I mean i never know when I could see them again. As the meeting ended and when first auntie grabbed my hand to bid farewell, I saw her wrinkles on her face and yes, it hit me hard that she was old. We all were getting old. Even my dad mom sis we all growing up. We are no longer 40s, 50s or our age like before. I never know when would be my last.
Got home and mom was a little furious as usual that I didn't book my ticket to E. Daegu. She would get furious as usual when things don't work out as she planned but yeah you know, I tried to calm myself trying to think positive so that there could be an improvement in me. But yeah, when she was like crossing the line that I felt, I got mad too that I could have said anything I would want to curse. Well, I don't know but after all we are family and we all do make mistakes. What I learned in army is that we all are different and we all got to learn to live together with each other. I guess I could apply that in here.
Forgive and move on.
Well yeah, and now it's 2pm and I am down to like an hour and a half before my train.
I thank God for this wonderful 4 days of leave and want to share my blessings to the surroundings.
Thank God for this day.
Amen.
Yeah, this clearly was an unexpected holiday. I mean, I knew I would be able to spend a day at home for a 2days 1night thing but didn't know my father would go out and dance with my platoon leader to help me get a 4days and 3night holidays. I was so lucky to get this reward. I mean, although I didn't know what to do or could have felt that this 4days could be a waste since it would be included in the 18 days of rewarding holidays given, it was indeed somewhat worthy.
Other than anything, it was the time that made me feel the value of family. Seeing dad and mom smile and seeing them having been improved so much in their relationship do make me feel warm too. They've become so much closer than any other time. Dad going in front to do it for me and etc. and me preparing for my parents a song by Kim Gunmo since mom loves that song, although i didn't get to present up front, it was clearly a great experience trying to do something for mom and dad. I mean, I have no fear. I do what I do so I wouldn't regret. I tried it so I am going to do what I could do in this limited time of my and my parents' lives.
As we got home, we went to this Dak Galbi house as dad loved it and had a meal and dad and mom seemed so happy. Got home using my laptop and tried to find out what I would do the next 3 days. I tried to watch a lot of movies and spend time with family and Jun too.
Although, I felt that the only time I could possibly spend time with family was weekends, so I cancelled appointments with Jun, it was worth while. We went out to the temple to pray and saw our new house. It was never a waste of time. Going to temple during my leave is so worthy now. I got to learn those traditions regardless of my own religion to respect my parents' religion.
After game, we got to E-mart that my family used to visit when we were all still in Korea. It was memories indeed. We looked around checking out and seeing the strcuture of the building, I mean yes it was so much different yet I could see some of the places that had the little me in there.
Dad and I rushed to the Suwon Sports Complex to watch the K-league challenge match against Daejeon. It was another blessing for me to be able to catch this game as I couldn't have watched this game if I didn't get my holidays. It was my first time watching a K-league challenge and Suwon FC's match. Suwon FC used to attract me since long ago for they were doing well in the national league and they succeeded in the Challenge and Classic with their successful manager Cho Duk Je.
Waiting outside the stadium, there was a kick ball and getting the entrance tickets to the U-20 world cup and I took it for my parents to watch.
Then, I went in to the stadium. It was beautiful. The goal net was in Suwon FC's traditional color blue and red. And the supporters had their own seatings on the track as the supporters seat was pretty far away.
What made me love this team was that the atmosphere was like family. No vulgar or no fightings in here but very peaceful. There were disabled kids in front me and dad and they were screaming for Suwon FC. Also, at the entrance, the person checking the ticket and giving out the flyers seemed like mom and her son. The whole team was like ran by family. It made me feel like a family team.
The game was wonderful, we won 3-1 and all goals were fantastic.
I got to watch my favorable player Baik Sung Dong's play too.
On a third day, I spent my time at home enjoying and had a walk to Sunkyung Library that had the most of my memories in Korea. Walking and seeing the scenery and sitting down at the bench in the library, it was so beautiful. It was such a beauty. Seeing the flowers in green and red and resting myself and remembering all those moments that had gone through me during those hard times. It was wonderful. I realized, my memories in Korea is this place.
Getting in to the libray, I checked out some of the places and left to eat at my favourite bunsik place called Elephant bunsik but only to realize that it was gone. It wasn' there anymore. It was pretty sad but i just decided to have my meal right beside and walked to get a cab to E. Suwon CGV. I watched two movies Founder and Dancer. Dancer was super boring as it was a documentary movie. I wondered why there were so many people watching this movie.
Then, I rode on my dad's car to the restaurant to meet my uncles and auntie. It was a special meeting. I mean i never know when I could see them again. As the meeting ended and when first auntie grabbed my hand to bid farewell, I saw her wrinkles on her face and yes, it hit me hard that she was old. We all were getting old. Even my dad mom sis we all growing up. We are no longer 40s, 50s or our age like before. I never know when would be my last.
Got home and mom was a little furious as usual that I didn't book my ticket to E. Daegu. She would get furious as usual when things don't work out as she planned but yeah you know, I tried to calm myself trying to think positive so that there could be an improvement in me. But yeah, when she was like crossing the line that I felt, I got mad too that I could have said anything I would want to curse. Well, I don't know but after all we are family and we all do make mistakes. What I learned in army is that we all are different and we all got to learn to live together with each other. I guess I could apply that in here.
Forgive and move on.
Well yeah, and now it's 2pm and I am down to like an hour and a half before my train.
I thank God for this wonderful 4 days of leave and want to share my blessings to the surroundings.
Thank God for this day.
Amen.
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