Hey hey hey.. yeah what a day.
Everytime I be typing out this diary of my own, I know my mood. I know my day. I know how it went and how it has been.
You see, when there are days that things seem all so beautiful and wonderful those are the days that I would be lazy to type a diary for I am not in so much need for reflection. However, there are also times when I would just can't leave this cyber lounge without writing out this diary because of the day I had. The kind of day I had. And today.. is maybe one of those days.
One positive thing! Is that today, I am not here being upset due to some senior issues or complicated matter like that. I've learned to deal with my senior on my own and I've get used to the way I found out. Those are working and I am learning to co-exist. I am learning to live together with respect. That is one super great thing in here. I respect, I gain the respect either. Secondly, I am being loved by all. It is just that today when I got back, it was just that when all everybody were pointing at me and like laughing and stuff it just made me feel like I am being overly criticized by everybody. I didn't like how Daeeun would point at the things I do and say they are dirty. I was like kind of ashamed of those. It also made me feel like as if I am doing some things that I make my bunk mates disgusted. That was why I wasn't at a very good mood at first when he entered. Then, it was when they were looking at the prints I made from work that they start pointing out stuff about things and the mistakes and Daeeun asking me to go and print them again and saying things like he would go print it himself as if this is unacceptable. That was quite ashameful. But you see, you've decided to take it on your own. Like not talking it out to him but just taking it on my own. Because I do know that all those came out in love and I wasn't ready to take them. After all, they meant no harm. But I am in a riddle here. I am not sure if I should always take it or should I actually go approach him and say stuff that I do not like about him. I know things would be complicated or I don't know. If I just take in to myself all the time it may not be so good even for myself. If I go and talk it out to him I may be seen like someone who would tell people about what I don't like and being picky. I didn't want to be a picky person who will be hard to actually get along with.
Well, what if I say things I want to say right at the point when he does things. Yeah what if I do that. Well it could be pretty awkward for me to say that because he wouldn't take them seriously. I mean after all is it really something to be mad about or be angry about. Well, it could be something to be ashamed of but you see when things happen, if you don't think that it is reasonable you go say it. If they are reasonable then why not I have a laugh about it and go learn from it. Things are positive in those ways.
Yeah. Well, you know, it could be hard for me going back there and acting normal again but they are due to me thinking how they would be thinking about me. Those do not matter at all really. I've been the one who are ready to accept and it truly does not matter.
My day today will never come again. 2017's February third will never be back again. I am not letting it go. My day isn't over yet. I don't have to try so much. I've only got to be positive and get along and enjoy. That's all I need. I love them and they love me. I can't lose things just like that because of one silly moment. Those are all just one smiley moment in big picture that i see in years time.
I love myself and thank myself for this beautiful lesson-learned day
I love God for this day too.
I am not giving up this day. I love them and I love me.
Amen.
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