So here I am here in the cyber lounge letting one of my days go.
I do not know how things made up to become the person who is standing right now. I am here being known as who I am right now to the people around me. Ever since I got here, there were this and that and those did help me to grow in some ways and did make me a person for who I am known as to my friends. It is great that I managed to make a person who can be loved and can also share to love to the people around me.
However of course there are times when I do feel down. There are days that I solve myself even in the worst situation just after writing diaries and praying to God. But there are also times like yesterday and this day where I just find no clue. It isn't like I am going through something so serious or so bad but it is just that hmm just to jot down what I am going through is that things are perfect but just that whenever we play football or games he would just blame on me or talk in an insensitive ways. I did not like that. I noticed it long before but I didn't care because I didn't wanna lose a friend just because of the moment. But when moment gathered up to be moments it made me look back to times when I was treated that way and make me to conclude the person. Well, all these actions root up from me deciding that I do not want this anymore. However yet he is a good friend after all. It is the thoughts at times that trigger me to reconsider about our friendship. Well, is this the same case for what happened between Shawn and I. I had lots of happy memories and moments with him when I was with him. But though, I had times when I was going down when I was with him. Those moments were too much to give up about our friendship but yet the thought of not wanting to be treated the same way made me to end it in a way. Well, I can't judge this decision was the best for both of us. It wasn't fair to Shawn in a way that he wasn't told what he was doing wrong and it wasn't fair to me to be treated that way.
What would I have done if I am going back to time. What I would have done instead? Well, I probably would have settled with by saying what I do not like and ending the day with joy at least. How can things be dealt for this time? Maybe I could do the same when it happens again? Because you see, treating my friend the same way as he treats me isn't what God taught us. I've loved people in my worst of time. Why not him who gives me joy and share big moments. It can't be a relationship that I just give in just for him being good friends. It has to be a win-win. Well, I can do this. I mean this is not something to ponder about so much. It isn't like there were anything wrong after all.
I can do this.
God is with me. So can I.
Love Lord for this wonderful day.
Amen.
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