So here am I. Sitting down at this small yet cozy living room in between the four doors. Dad and mom are sleeping in one room, my sis is studying in her own room, making me realize that she has grown up one grade further in her school. And here am I, typing my diary in here with my lovely and friendly laptop, opening other links and feeling comfortable and cozy and excited about what erotic things could actually happen with it.
Well, I took my 2days 1night leave. Many people asked and wondered what for would I go on a such short leave. But I was never daunted as I had clear purpose of this short leave. It was to watch World Baseball Classic with dad. Dad loves sports, so do I. It has been such long time that dad actually visited the stadium to watch a match, nor did he had the time to catch those sports events comfortably having to go through tough livelihood. As this was major event, I wanted to catch it when it happens in Korea. And I also wanted to show it to dad. Although mom did not seem to be in good terms with dad, she was more than happy with my idea of bringing him to the stadium.
This morning, I left the camp with no hurry. Although I had what to do and on in my mind, i did not want to force my way out in here. There were rules and there were things to happen at pace. It was a pleasing feel to actually leave the camp on a holiday with light heart. I was gaining good terms with people in my camp. Relationship should not be the foremost priority in my life but it is no denial that it does happen to come in the front line of my priorities.
I reached the East Daegu station and bought the ticket to Cheonan-Asan. It was after numerous consideration these past few days of wondering whether should I just hop in without paying for my tickets. It was not the fear of getting caught but it was the fear of ruining my relationship with God that made me fear. After so much thought, I decided to do what is right. In all the time in my life, even when I am prosperous or wealthy, there would always grow an idea that I would want to lie myself for a way that could benefit me in the dimmest way. And I can tell myself now that however dim that lie seems like, it is the matter of fact that I am committing such mistakes are what matters.
I took train from Asan to Cheonan and as I landed, I bought some small walnut crackers in memories of my childhood. Cheonan would always make me remember this biscuit. As I left the hall and began to search for Exit 1 while holding onto my hot walnut biscuits, a flashback occurred in my head. I saw pictures. Pictures of me back in 2012. Yes that's right. This was the place that I hid myself for an escape from my house. It was cold winter and that was when I was going through some o-level re-taking revision period and I had so much quarrel with mom and dad that I never wanted to go back home. I never wanted to live with them. I took any train that could get me out of town and it was Cheonan that the train terminated at. There was no train going further as it already was the last train of the night. I was asked to leave the platform by the crew and confidently left the platform to the gantry hoping not to reveal my status as a teenage hobo. I tapped my card out and the gantry did not open. I called the person who could help and he helped me out and told me that I needed to top up more amount. I remember telling him that i had no money. He stared me saying how could you just say that and I was clearly in a difficult situation as there was no mom, dad getting me out of situations. The person confiscated my card and I was let go. I sat down at the train platform where there were express trains running on midnight. I was seeing those people looking so busy, carrying their bag pack heading to take the train. It was so cold sitting down all alone at the bench, seeing people come and go. I was asked to leave again so I was loitering around the corridor and found this ATM. I saw my wallet and I still had this citibank card that mom used to transfer money to me when I was in Singapore. I put the card in the ATM and found out I could discard some money. Took them out, and didn't no look for anything else but went straight into Lotteria where I could sit down in warm condition drinking hot choco. This did not last long either as I had to leave for they had to clean the site.
I loitered around the city. Saw night clubs and the adults having the time of their lives. It was going 3am and 4am but the lights weren't out. I walked around and realized there were quite number of adults' places. It did make me feel horny as I saw those sexy looking ladies at the street hopping into cars. It did make me think of a lot of those stories I've read before and stuff. But of course, it never happened to me. I walked a round and saw apartments and it was a little scary that I began to think about all those news incidents. When 6am came and when the sun began to rise and people began to start their day, I took the first train to warm myself up again but hadn't been thinking of going back home still. It was when I was scolded by some random uncle for standing in front of him and stuff and decided to get back home. Dad and mom welcomed me regardless of where I spent the night. It was one of those days when I was struggling in my teenage.
As I walked through those familiar venues, seeing the platform, trains, people and Lotte ria and the places that I had not seen as it was either too early or too late, it made me realize it took 5 years that I am back in here again, being at different status. During these 5 years, where have I gone. What person am I as compared to myself laying in the bench in 2012. I hope that I've grown, not in terms of anything but in terms of deciding what is right for my own future.
Walked out of Exit 1, saw two other soldiers who were waiting for the same bus heading to the independence hall. The reasosn why soldiers go this place is just for one reason. Is because they provide one extra day of holiday if we visit there. As soldiers know soldiers, they were giving the stares trying to see my rank and my platoon. It was a little bit uncomfortable as I was alone getting the attention from the two. They were sergeants. We took the bus and I sat on the first seat. It was pretty shameful of me that i couldn't give up my seat for elderly not because I was lazy but because I was afraid of getting all people's attention. It was ugly. But yes, I can do better next time.
I got down to the independnce hall, looked around hoping that I should have brought a recording material to take photos. It was amazing and gorgeous. The sculptures they built, were humongous and gorgeous. There were three spots I was asked to visit and get the stamp and I took most of my time at the first arena which displayed the Japanese Occupation period. Reading those reads in there, it did stir my patriotism deep in me. Yes. I used to be a super great patriot back in times when I was away in overseas. Not sure, how I began to be confused on my identity but yeah, this is my history and this is my nation. This is where I root from and this is what I've got to remember.
Seeing tons of flags layed was such a wonderful scenes. It was amazing surely.
I got back home, taking train and called dad. He seemed to have waited for me at the independence hall to pick me up. I didn't have phone to actually contact with him unfortunately.
I got home talked to jaeyeon on phone after so long and saw dad come back in mean time and we headed to the Gochok stadium for our match.
Yes. Today was like some Korean Patriot package. There were lots of time that did make me stir the inner patriotism in me. Those times when we shouted Dae han min Guk in the stadium and when our players hit singles and doubles, just being in there made me feel like a patriot. It was great to see dad looking so interested at the game. It made me feel that I would want to take him more often next time. Hopefully, the venue should be closer so he won't have hard time driving so far and also make the seating much better.
Yeah and here am I. I am still in the living room and I am going to head over to my sis' room after typing this diary. Hope dad and mom's relationship gets better.
Thank God for this lucky trip
and
Amen.
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