It's been some time since I last wrote in this diary.
Yes, things have changed a lot.
I mean well the time I guess surely changed.
The last time when I was jotting down in here it was D-378 and now 24 days have passed, almost a month and during this time, I broke that D-365, the one year wall.
Well, I was counting for that very 15th of May this year, as this would mark my D-1year anniversary. Things will be much different in Next year's 15th May when it marks the end of my service.
Past few days back in camp, things had been a little confusing for me. Like you know, I sit down in my bunk, it's not like I get left out or feel bad in camp but it was about all the questions that brother Sandeul would throw, tantrums Dae eun will throw at times and you know me hating Jaemin sometimes for his weird behaviors. Surprisingly, I had no troubles with Kwanghyun. I mean, its really God's blessings that he allowed me to love him again. I hope that this love will be a dove to start loving all creatures.
So I needed a break. Realizing myself acting weird or somewhat arrogant made me realize I needed to reflect myself and look through again. It's like there is this vacuum state of being in me. This comes when I maybe have no true loyalty. I am not loyal to my mom I guess. After that very incident on my last holiday, I just don't feel perfectly comfortable or love her as much.
Well, I do know there is a key in forgiving but I am grown up and it is no longer her duty to make me better or console me.
After my first leave(out of the big 4 U-20 vacations) to Jeonju, as I returned back there was this feeling that why do I have to stay here when I am leaving so soon and for so long. It does make people not loyal to what I was up to and a little senseless.
So this break was quite I can say needed. I needed some fresh air, loneliness and some good time of football which I would always love to be related.
However, this holiday may seem like it's going a little off. The main purpose of this holiday was to get some fresh air watch football and relieve myself but you see, downloading tinder to get girls to chat with and walking around seeing girls and hoping to get hooked and etc. those are not very desirable. You see, we've been through this moments back in Singapore where all I would do is to tinder and play FIFA at home. Those were a little off. What if I could have done something more meaningful back then. What if I look back myself 10 years down the road and see and feel that what if I could have done this during the U-20 worldcup period in Korea where it only happens once in lifetime.
Well so here is my point in here. I hope I do make full use of this holiday. Get great enjoyment and be relieved too. I think is pretty normal that I want to find girls but hope it just doesn't affect the other things that I want to do and will regret not doing.
Thanks for living up this wonderful day
Enjoy and have an awesome day today!
Thank God.
Amen.
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